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Did he ask your dad before the engagement?

 

Asking the permission of a woman's father before a marriage proposal is an old custom that dates back to the time when marriages were arranged by families. Obviously, we live in a much different time. However, there are many families that hold on to traditions and many women who appreciate the gesture as a sign of respect toward her family.

Just be sure you know what kind of family she has before making the decision to ask or not ask her father. For Michael, a software engineer from San Jose, CA, not asking nearly cost him his relationship.

"I proposed to her spontaneously while we were on a cruise around the Bay. She said yes, but when she told her family, her father got upset that he wasn't informed about my intentions ahead of time. i was under such scrutiny after that by her family, that I almost called it off several times. I eventually won his trust but it was a tying time in our relationship."

For Julia, a non-profit director from Chicago, IL, the opposite was true - with more disastrous results. "He asked my father, whom I barely talk to because of past issues, the very first time they met. I felt like he didn't even know me or listen to me. I don't like being treated like property and to involve my dad seemed way out of line. I broke up with him a week after I found out about him asking my dad."