we got engaged 5 months ago. He is the sweetest person ever. When we first got committed, both of us paid for their own ring. But the next morning he gave me an old used ring which I suppose was his grandma's. I was kind of dissapointed as I was forced to accept it. it would have been totally fine if he told me that that it was hers and that it was only temporary. But no, nothing. He proposed to me on the internet. Thats another issue. So when I went back home this time, on new years, he gave me a nice ring. 3 big stones. Because i have never seen diamonds in my life, I thought they really were and overall, I was glad that he finally got me something. IT was beautiful. After a few days, I was sitting with my dad and he carefully told me that the ring was fake. I didn't believe. I refused to check it with a shop but when we went to ask about my lost earring, my dad asked the guy, and he said it was just glass. I was so disappointed. I never expected him to do so. For a moment i thought maybe he didn't have money, but he shows me that his situation is fine. Plus diamond rings are not THAT expensive and I am sure they are affordable to him. I don't know what to do. I am lost... I dont know if i should tell him its not real. I don't know if I should just leave him cause this makes me so uncomfortable with him. I am too sad all the time... What should I do? Please help me....please pray for me...
Comments
Talk to him, he is to be
Talk to him, he is to be your partner for the rest of your life, don't start it with doubts. Explain your concern, your confusion. Speak with your family, someone you can trust about this and then talk to you man. Never assume anything.
@ Pikturethis
I assume you are the (hopefully) Ex fiance of Mary?
@ Mary - Consider this a blessing. You found out before marrying this man that he would lie to you in a hearbeat. True love doesn't lie and true love means wanting the very best for your partner. Had you wanted a glass ring, great! However, he led you to believe they were diamonds, and this liar deserves to be alone.
Take your ring, throw in the river and wash yourself of all memories of this "man". You will find true love.
Take care
what?
LadyLove - you quite possibly give the worst advice I've ever read. Let's do some thinking shall we.
I know you ladies think it rains diamonds and rainbows, but some people simply can't afford an engagement ring. Did you ever think he might be embarrassed that he couldn't afford the ring and that is why he lied?
You realize that the ring is only a token for the underlining, true, intangible love you have for one another right?
Since when did this material object become the basis of that love.
He gave you a very sentimental ring that prob belonged to his beloved grandmother. He saw your bitch smirk and immediately knew you were unhappy. So he went out and bought you another ring, only to find you again -surprise, surprise - unhappy with it as well.
Take the ring and throw it in the river? Who are you, what are you? Are you even human? Maryhanna, you don't deserve this man. You say he is the 'sweetest person ever' yet you immediately will abandon him over a ring?
Listen to me and listen carefully. In a few years you might be lucky enough to do some thinking. Not just thinking where you spout some of your thoughts off on a ring message board. No, some deep down real god damn thinking. Hopefully, you will see this ring bs is just that, bs. You are spending a life with this person, sharing a child with this person - why are you so hung up on a ring?
As for you LadyLove, I'm guessing you are extremely unhappy and divorced (at least once possibly twice.) Just bc your heart is black as coal and you have the reasoning ability of that of a 6 year old, don't pawn your unhappiness on this newly engaged woman.
Maryhanna - you want some real advice, advice that you won't get on this materialistic message board about a goddamn rock?
Go home, speak with him tell him that you know the diamond is fake and that you don't care, you love him anyway. Say when you can afford a real one, you can choose to buy me one if you like. If not, again no big deal.
Letting a rock derail your marriage is ignorant. These women on here are not going to head you down the right path, if he is as great as you say, Stick with him, talk to him and get through this ridiculous hiccup you have with the ring. .
Pikturethis, I think you have more issues than Maryhanna
You sound like someone who did give a fake ring to a fiancee and lost the relationship in the end because you sound way to pissed off about something that involves two people that have nothing to do with you. Maryhanna did not ask for your stance on ethics of all of this.
If he couldn't afford a nice ring, like you said, and was too ashamed to say anything, then that is even more shameful than falsely leading his fiancee to believe the ring is something it isn't - Real.
Ideally, married couples share everything including their irrational fears and financial situations. IF HE CAN'T BE HONEST ABOUT HIS FINANCIAL SITUATION, DO NOT MARRY HIM.
And you know what, don't try to get me down about my last statement about how I must be one of those bitches that only care about money. Because money is #1 cause of divorce across the US - directly or indirectly. It's something people see as such a shallow thing and yet it will make or break you. It is an important part of our society, whether you like it or not. And in my honest opinion, I think Maryhanna has every right to protect herself financially and legally by knowing everything there is to know about this guy.
So, Pikturethis, take your dubious anger elsewhere.
I agree with the above comments
I agree with the above comments. It mostly is the fact that he tried to deceive you that makes it so wrong. Also, even though material things are not everything, I figure if a man is going to not put much effort into a ring then maybe he will be like that with every decision-half-hearted.
Ouch. Sounds like someone
Ouch. Sounds like someone hit someone else's sore spot. I hope the issue gets resolved. I have mixed feelings about fake rings. I mean, maybe if that was all he told me he could afford and I knew that-and that he is not the kind of person who wastes money all on himself-I might accept it. However, if he's just being lazy that's an entirely different story.
I'm showing off my diamond wedding bands just for the fun of it.
Engagement rings are special
And you should not have to settle for something completely unsentimental.
Personally, I know people who could afford real diamond rings but, for whatever reason, chose to go with either glass, CZ, or a different semi-precious stone. But in those cases, the men either went and picked out something that is sentimental to them or the couple came to an agreement on what stone to get.
Don't let "Signed, Men" get you down. If he wanted to get you a fake diamond for one reason or another, he should have said something. I know nothing about your relationship but given what you have told us, he sounds extremely shady. Maybe you have something he could benefit from, or maybe he's just one of those bored douchbags that take a nice girl and ruin her life.
Find out more about this guy before you legally bind yourself in a really bad situation. Be smart about who you are with.
Response to...everyone, I suppose
Okay, this obviously hit a sore spot for some people, so I suppose I must be careful about how I frame my response. But here it goes:
@pikturethis, I think perhaps you’ve completely misunderstood the issue, and clearly it’s something that resonates with you personally, because to hurl profanity at every person on the message board here is a really poor way of giving ‘advice’. I would advise you to try to be objective when someone else has a problem, because you’re making the same assumptions about everyone who disagrees with you that you’re accusing them of making about maryhanna’s fiancé. Women are not materialistic for wanting their future husbands to be honest about either their finances or the type of ring that they can afford; I think you are forgetting that most of us do have our own financial independence and might be just as suspicious as a man would about keeping those finances secure if our future mate acted dishonestly, and gave us reason to suspect they might exploit us at some point. I think that everyone’s main concern here is that maryhanna’s future husband lied to her about something that, to use your own words, is a symbol of the love that they have for one another. Your advice appears to be that she should shut up and take what she can get- perhaps you are the one who needs to do some real thinking?
@maryhanna, What I’m most concerned with is that it seems like you can’t communicate with this person. It seems as though you’re not sure what his intentions were when he gave you the old ring, or whether he even knows that this new ring is fake. That’s really a problem because you need to be able to communicate in order to make a marriage work. If he’s too embarrassed to tell you he can’t afford a ring, or doesn’t want to tell you about his finances, or you’re too afraid to ask, that’s all a bad sign. It means you need to seriously talk to this person before you commit the rest of your life to being with him. If he really is as sweet as you said, then I am sure he will understand your concerns and want to talk to you about them before moving forward. I agree with the other posters that his behavior seems a little suspicious, so you need to find out whether he truly is the person you think he is before you make that commitment. It sounds to me like the ring is important to you; that’s not a bad thing- my ring is important to me as well. It doesn’t make you materialistic or bitchy- everyone has something that they value and is important to them- for some people it’s a home, a car, and for some of us it’s a wedding ring. The person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with should understand what is important to you, and care about it. If you’ve already expressed how important this is and he doesn’t seem to care, then I would really question whether this is the person you want to be with forever. If you haven’t expressed it, then the onus is really on you to talk to him about it- he may not realize how important it is to you. If it turns out he really can’t afford what you want, then perhaps you could offer to split the cost with him. I do wish you the best of luck and hope that this all works out well, for both of you.
Hold On...
Ever consider the possibility that he thought he was buying a real ring and got ripped off by someone? It's possible because some guys do not know how to buy an engagement ring. Or, the guy at the jewelry store made a mistake? Did you have it checked out twice or only once?
All you've got to do is go up to him and say the guy at the jewelry store said it wasn't real and that someone might have sold him a fake ring. Then wait for a response. And don't get so worked up. The economy is brutal...
I see what you mean
Except I really hope her fiance is smart enough to have gone to a legitimate store to purchase this ring of interest. If he got a fake from a legitimate store when they reassured that they are real diamonds (i.e. on the receipt and during the sale), they would have earned themselves a nice lawsuit (one nice enough to get her the ring of her dreams, most likely).
But I absolutely agree that her first move should be to have an open conversation with this guy.
very true...
If he did get ripped off, then that whole lawsuit thing could solve the entire problem!
lied?
I keep hearing he lied to you, he lied to you. Please point to me where he lied. He never said it was a real diamond ring. For all you know it is another temp ring till he can afford good, real diamond ring. I am so glad my fiancé knows all this ring bs is just that. She is laughing hysterically at you women's post. The funny thing is, her being this way - not caring, is why I asked her to marry me in the first place, She has her priorities straight. She just pointed to the screen and said, "wait wait - this woman is going to leave her finance b/c her ring is cz? Then just sat there and looked shocked."
You keep saying, this is a sign that if he lied about this, what else is he going to lie about?
Let me ask you a question, if you are going to leave him over this, what else would you abandon him over?
Let's discuss some real issues shall we?
What if your husband gets crippled? You are showing signs that you may not stick around?
If your child is born with a major disability, would you work harder than the avg household to make your marriage work with the added pressure?
You girls are also showing signs. If you keep getting so hung up on the ring, a smart mate will see this as a reason for concern and you will not be getting any ring.
She should have taken the original ring and been happy. Him giving her such a sentimental object is a much greater sign of true lover than a huge rock.
Hanna, if you leave this guy could you shoot me his email, I have some of my fiancee friends over here reading through this thread and are gushing at how sweet this guy sounds.
I think you live in a bubble.
Pikturethis,
If you and your wonderful fiancee both have your "priorities straight" .. then what in the world are you doing on a website like this?
Clearly, neither of you care about engagement rings or have sentimental holds over them like most of us here. I think maybe you think your fiancee chose to say she doesn't care. Maybe she just loves a hateful person like you enough so that she would change her mind about something important to her - just for you.
Then again, what the heck do I know. I'm just another idiot who only likes her pretty little engagement ring rather than the relationship, right?
Don't be an asshole to MaryHanna. It clearly means a lot to her, enough so to confide in complete strangers. Most women spend most of their lives dreaming about their engagement ring, their wedding, and their husband. She should not have to sit here and take your criticism just because one of those major things that mean a lot to her is just a "fake".
Pikturethis, a serious question for you…
I must ask you, and please do not mistake me as this is not sarcasm, why are you on this site? I don’t understand, so please help me here- you seem to think that engagement rings are totally unimportant, (and you’re entitled to that opinion), and that those of us who think they are important are totally materialistic (and thus bitchy, to use your terminology). Am I correct? If so, then I must ask if you are not somehow confused as to the purpose of this website. Everyone here is a little obsessed with our rings- that’s our thing, I’m sure you have yours. So why would you think that your negative opinions would be well-received here? Of any venue on the web, I think this is probably the place where you are least likely to find people who share your opinion. So why are you on this site in the first place? If you and your fiancée are well above this materialism and have your ‘priorities straight’, then why visit this site? I can only conclude that you are looking to pick a fight with people, and that’s a poor way to spend your time.
Incidentally, I’m one of those materialistic women who cares about her ring. Don’t mistake me- my husband and I were so poor that he proposed with a metal ring from a party favor at a wedding, and I said yes. I still have it. For many years we had nothing, and worked very hard for what we have today. He bought me the ring I have now as a way to commemorate the ten years we’ve spent together, struggling through more than I care to detail here. It means everything to me- and to him, by the way- because of what it symbolizes. If that’s materialistic, then I’m happy to be so. I’m sure the rest of the women on this site who you’ve been leveling insults at have similar stories about their rings. My point is, be careful who you make judgments about when you have no idea what their story is. It’s easy to be on a moral high horse from the safety of your computer.
Pikturethis you are deranged
You said:
I know you ladies think it rains diamonds and rainbows, but some people simply can't afford an engagement ring. Did you ever think he might be embarrassed that he couldn't afford the ring and that is why he lied?
A man who claims to love a woman and make a life with her enough to marry her is too "embarrased" to speak to her about not affording a diamond? That's what you are trying to say? IN that case, he is too immature and definitely not ready for marriage.
As for me, I am a newlywed (never before married with a heart of gold) who found the most amazing man on the planet who also could not afford an expensive ring when he proposed. But guess what? He never hid that from me and I was happy with the little ring he did propose with. When I landed a fab job, he SURPRISED me with a ring we could afford.
You ask "Why are you so hung up on a ring". In older days, the ring actually illustrated if a man was able to support a wife and child. Nicer ring = he was financially responsible and financially able.
Yes, times change. It's not like that anymore. But guess what never should die? CHIVALRY and men who tell the TRUTH! You said "go home and tell him you know it's fake and that you don't care"???? What kind of advice is that? If she wants to marry a loser, I guess it's good advice. He pretended it was a diamond and you say forgive him because he may have been embarrassed? Oh, yeah, sounds like real marriage material to me! (Rolling my eyes.)
@ Maryhanna - Important question!!!!!
You said He proposed to me on the internet.
Please tell me he did not propose through skype or simple text before you actually ever met him?
No offence to anyone who actually got engaged this way, but seeing as this guy is already a fake and a liar, I have strong intuition telling me that the ring is not all that he is lying about.
Sorry
Maryhanna, so sorry to hear about all the strife surrounding your engagement. After reading your story, I couldn't help but think that you and your man are not very compatible, and you really shouldn't marry each other. There are issues that need to be addressed between the two of you, that may or may not be deal breakers in your relationship. Just be honest with yourself and him, and NEVER settle! You aren't going to change him, now or ever. The best predictor for future behavior is his past behavior, and if you aren't happy now, it may be that he is just not the one. He's not the one, but that doesn't mean that you don't Love him and care for him, and I'm sure he's a sweet guy and all, but that alone isn't enough to base a marriage. Please don't marry for the wrong reasons, there are too many people that do that these days, making each other miserable, and dragging family and kids through the muck. No one forces you to say "yes" or accept a ring, so if you feel bad about certain things just say "no" like you would to drugs or other things that make you sick. Anyway, it may sound cliché but, follow your heart and trust your instincts, I'm sure there is someone out there better suited for you, and he may find a girl that feels the same way he does about important things in life. Good luck and God Bless, you both are in my prayers.
funny
It's funny what part of her story you ladies continue to ignore. He gave her a very sentimental ring from his departed grandmother. Something that meant more to him than anything most likely. Please address this in your next round of notoriously bad responses and life advice.
Once he saw she wasn't pleased with this very sentimental object, he then bought her another ring. And never said it was a 'diamond.' So I also don't get where he is lying. This could be a very temporary ring.
I would like to direct you all to the most hilarious, awful, absurd comment on this thread thus far. Ladylove gives us another gem on this thread when she says, "If she wants to marry a loser, I guess it's good advice."
This right here, let's examine it for a second. She knows nothing of the original poster's fiancee. Yet this guys is already a loser. Why you may ask? Isn't it obvious? He tried to give her a ratty, old, un-shiny, un-sparkling ring from his dead ass grandmother.
Ladylove, I don't wish bad karma on anyone. This tread has been therapeutic in many ways and I thank you all for that. It's made me realize the type of wife I am about to have. But anyway, like I was saying I don't wish bad karma on anyone, but you are going to be a very unhappy woman if you don't change some of your priorities.
I hope I'm dead wrong and you live a long and happy life. But you are really showing signs of either an extremely immature young lady or someone who just does't understand what is truly important in the world.
I'm not trying to stir the pot here and I'll leave you girls to your rings. I actually think hobbies are fun, important and are a very healthy thing to have. So I totally understand some people being obsessed with a material object. But never let it decide what path in life you take. Maybe we can hear more from the OP about other qualities her fiancee has, maybe he is a bad guy, but maybe he is a great guy too.
WHy am I hear you keep asking? When I proposed to my fiancee I did so with sucker pop ring. Call me unoriginal, but I thought it was hilarious. Anyway, I'm here to see what kind/style of ring she likes. So we are looking at pictures of rings so I can get her something nicer than than the sucker pop ring.
Guys, I can smell the fire and see the pitchforks, so I'll bow out of this thread. I wish you all happiness. Real, tangible happiness that comes from something deeper than forged rock and metal.
You have a serious problem Pikturethis
What is your problem? Seroiusly? What invested interest do you have in Mary's story? Are you sure you are not the jilted lover? What, here, in this paragraph don't you understand?
the next morning he gave me an old used ring which I suppose was his grandma's. I was kind of dissapointed as I was forced to accept it. it would have been totally fine if he told me that that it was hers and that it was only temporary. But no, nothing. He proposed to me on the internet. Thats another issue.
See where she says "it would have been totally fine if he told that it was hers? See where she says his internet proposal was yet ANOTHER issue? See how loser-ish this guy is already?
You keep making assumptions about me because I believe in traditions, chivalry, truth and romance? My ring is gorgeous but still moderately priced and I never ever ever in a million years wish to "upgrade it". I am not materialistic, I can just smell a rat from a million miles away.
Go peruse rings with your fiance and keep your insults to yourself. (Since she's so materialistic she wasn't happy with the ring pop --- right?)
again, bias
lol @ this - "I was kind of dissapointed as I was forced to accept it."
this quote is why I am here. The question is, why are you here? You don't have to offend yourself to me. I can already see who for who you really are.
If you are fine with who you are and your husband is fine too. Good for you. I retract everything I said about you.
You seem like a really rad gal and you aren't materialistic in the least!
See now you can take a large sigh of relief and be on your way. Meanwhile, I'm going to give the OP some possible explanations other than yours to why her fiancé might have given her the cz other than your constant barrage of loser comments.
You bring nothing to the table on this debate.
So many mistakes
It's "You don't have to DEFEND yourself to me"
And
"I can already see YOU for who you are"
It's a comma after "too" not a period.
It's "breathe a large sigh" not "take"
You loser...
victory is mine
And that concludes this debate folks. She had to fall back on spelling, punctuation, grammar and name calling.
'You loser.' hahahahh wow. However, I am impressed your husband bought you a computer for your kitchen. Smart man, smart man.
All I have to say is
You are an idiot.
Just because you have the ability to type some insults in an elementary fashion, it doesn't make you any better than any one of us who enjoy this website. You have so much hate for this world and people in it. That's something that you need to work out for your own sake.
Laughable
I am starting to feel sorry for you. Almost as much as I feel sorry for Mary and women like her who can't see the fake ass men who pretend to love them.
Since Mary doesn't seem to be coming back to this "debate"...I'm off, because if I wanted to argue with the likes of you, Pikturethis, I would have married my son-of-a-bitch Ex.
Ciao
Trust yourself on this one
Maryhanna,Im sorry to hear that your engagement was not what you wanted it be : ( Im not sure how old you or your fiance are, or how much life experience he has? Being able to talk to each other openly is essential in a healthy relationship. I am in my early thirties just got engaged and glad I waited for the right person. Please do not marry someone you have doubts about. Sometimes people want to get married for the wrong reasons. Proposing over the internet is strange, when you are in an established relationship?? It doesnt sound like he is taking your relationship seriously? You can still love jewellery, without being engaged, remember that : )
Why are you here again??
Pikturethis, I agree with Geologist89 & Ladylove here. This website is for people who celebrate being engaged and beautiful rings. Your nasty, assumptive comments about women thinking it rains diamonds, is bizarre? ...
Maryhanna just wanted advice...not to be judged.. oh dear...If you want controvery, you should be on the Jerry Springer show, not here.. If you are going to ridicule women who like rings, you have picked the wrong place....you offer nothing to anyone here...
??
Travelgirly why are you on here when you obviously should be making your husband a sandwich. Less typey more sandies! ¡depress!
who said he lied? he gave a
who said he lied? he gave a ring, it was "glass", i didn't see maryhanna mention that he said it was diamond ring. y does a ring have to be a diamond, other than the fact that "society" says it does? :-)
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