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Possibly a strange question, involving an old ring, multiple diamonds, etc... First of all, thanks for looking at this. I'm clueless when it comes to this stuff. I have a few people I can get advice from, but I'm afraid my question would come off as so tacky that I hesitate to ask them! My girlfriend once looked at several items of my mother's old jewelry. She liked one ring in particular-an engagement ring that belonged to my mother's grandmother. It's a beautiful piece of jewelry and I know she'd be thrilled to have it. That being said, it's about 100 years old, and let's just say the diamond in it is not exactly "impressive"-particularly not when she has 4 sisters who would be happy to weigh in with their thoughts! I don't want to come off looking like I'm just avoiding paying for a ring lol. So here's where the question gets tricky. My original thought was that I could give her this ring and let her know that we can go pick out a newer ring together. She wears very little jewelry, and no rings, so I genuinely have no idea what she'd like. I'd like her input. But I'm actually concerned that she'd love the ring as is and not want to change it. I'd prefer to give her something a bit more substantial. So here's the potentially tacky part. I also have a lot of other heirlooms and things with diamonds. Some are female, some male, and I don't wear any of it. Moreover, she has no interest in wearing any of it. So is it in any way possible to just sort of "trade in" a lot of the diamonds from other pieces and get a nicer diamond put into the old ring? I think that would be the best of both worlds, because that way she'd have a nicer diamond in the old ring if she chose to keep it, but if she wanted something more her own, I could just buy her something more modern. What I don't want to do is pay a ton for a new diamond for the old setting, then go and buy a new ring on top of that. (I'm sorry if I sound cheap and unromantic, but I'm just trying to be practical. She doesn't need me buying two engagement rings.) So sorry for the long post. And sorry if I come off as caring more about the logistics of ring buying that the motivation for buying the rings. But like I said, I'm pretty clueless about this stuff. Thanks in advance for your input.
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Comments
re: multiple diamonds, old ring, etc.
Hi Jason:
I don't think your question or situation is tacky at all. I thought about this for a little while, and understand completely where you're coming from. Old heirloom jewelry and stones can be really difficult to work with. Okay, I suggest the following:
First, one word of caution. Be absolutely sure you're not going to regret selling the jeweler all of those old stones you're talking about, and especially the one from the ring. I have my great-grandmother's engagement ring (my mom gave it to me the day of my wedding) and I find it to be an exceptional piece. The diamond is rather small (about .40 carats) and is a solitare, but it has a lot of meaning to me because it's 110 years old. It's an old mine cut stone with incredible vintage detailing (the real deal, not 'vintage inspired!'), which is all the rage right now. And honestly, even though the stone is smaller than my actual engagement ring, if my now-husband had presented me with the heirloom ring instead of the one he actually picked out, I would have been 120% happy with it. There's just something about a ring that family members along the way thought enough of to preserve and protect it for a future generation. I often look at it on my hand and think about all the things that ring and stone have seen over the past century, and how excited my great- grandmother must have been when it was given to her so long ago when she was my age. I wouldn't dream of ever changing anything about the ring.
Also remember that the diamonds from the jewelry neither of you wear could, for a reasonable price, be placed into new settings, earrings, necklaces, etc. All you would have to do is pay for the gold and some labor, and not the most expensive part, the diamonds. She might not wear a lot of jewelry, but you could make one or two nice pieces for her to celebrate future anniversaries. I don't wear much jewelry either, but I have a few special pieces that have particular meaning to me and I do enjoy wearing since they're unique and special.
If you're intent on giving her a larger stone, I would do one of two things. I would either propose with the ring as-is and let her know that you want her to pick out a new stone at the jeweler. If she says she indeed wants a different stone, I would head over to the jeweler by yourself with all of the stones you want to sell, add some money to it if you choose to do so, and be given a sort of 'store credit' for her to spend. This way, if she truly wants to keep the diamond as-is (like you're speculating she might), you won't have wasted your time over at the jeweler getting those stones inspected and sold to them. And, if she does want a bigger, newer stone, you'll avoid any sort of awkwardness with the selling of the old diamonds, and can simply let her know the price range you're comfortable with as far as the new stone goes. It seems like it would be a pretty seamless process. Or, the other option is to take the ring over yourself and pick out the new stone yourself as well, based on what you think she would like. Obviously, you'd take the diamonds you wish to trade in when you do this.
I caution you against feeling like you need to give her "something more substantial." It's really easy on this website to get caught up in this idea that 'bigger is always better.' It's simply not true. If, however, she truly wants a different stone, I know you want to make her as happy as possible.
This might have just made your decision harder, but I really wanted to weigh in as someone who owns both a new engagement ring and a 100+ year old ring! I love both and wouldn't trade either of them for the world, but there's just something so special about having a unique family heirloom with the original stone. I would have a heart attack if I came home one day and found that my husband, however well-intentioned, had taken my great grandmother's ring to the jeweler and 'upgraded' the stone without talking to me first.
Best of luck. Let us know what you decide to do!
Melanie