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Questions about destination weddings?
05:00:46 pm on December 31, 2009 | by bianca |
I’ve been looking at honeymoon locations and came across the Grande St. Lucian in St. Lucia. It’s beautiful! Even though I have my dress, I have nothing else booked and would love to throw the stress of planning such a big event out the window and just get married somewhere nice. I could skip the awkwardness I know I would feel saying my vows in front of 70 people, I wouldn’t be worried about outshining someone else’s wedding (not that I am… lol), and I wouldn’t have to have 100 staring at us on our first dance. We’re pretty shy people!
My questions… who all should attend? If we include parents, grandparents and siblings we will have 13 guests including ourselves. I would like to pay, but might not be able to… plus my grandfather might not be able to make such a trip with COPD and I would hate for him to miss our wedding.
I know there is a rule: don’t invite people to a shower that aren’t invited to a wedding, so what kind of shower do we have? We haven’t even had an engagement party… we planned on getting married next fall/winter. So St. Lucia would be perfect for us. Though it has the longest requirement for time you have to be there before getting married - 3 days! What would we do for three days?? Hmm, or we could get married at another resort in say… Jamaica? Then travel to St. Lucia for our honeymoon. It’s only a 2 day requirement…
Just tell me about experiences please… what you paid, who was there, when you went, etc.
Also, this is our first wedding, would it be wrong to skip out on the big fancy wedding??
What about my dress? The receipt says if I don’t pay, or something like that will be kept and the rest refunded. Is there anyway to apply that $$ to a different dress without losing it at David’s Bridal??
phantom_of_valkyrie 5:00 pm on December 31, 2009 |
My sister also got married on a cruise ship. Guests pay their own way (same as they would if your wedding was in your hometown). True you won’t have huge numbers but many people would love to tie your wedding into their week vacation since it’s St Lucia.
Grande St Lucian has a wedding planner who pretty much takes care of everything for you.
My sister had decided to pay for my grandparents trip so that they would come. They decided not to come anyway but on a cruise ship especially, many people are in wheelchairs so it’s not that weird at all. As for missing the wedding, you can always have video and a reenactment later. We videotaped it and had all the photographers pictures and made my grandparents a Wedding Video and book of photos. One thing we discussed beforehand is after the wedding, asking my grandparents personal minister if he would be willing to come over Sunday after church to just to a quick wedding for the grandparents in their backyard. Now the bride and groom ended up not doing that but it would have been a nice idea. No marriage license necessary and if they’ve gone to the same church, more than likely the minister would do it for free.
You are right you don’t invite people to the shower you don’t invite to the wedding. We were sending out announcements for my sister’s wedding so we invited everyone at the shower. We had lil cards printed out with the dates, the cruise ship, and the travel agent to call if they decided to go. We knew they wouldn’t but they were invited. For the close family, we ended up having most of our family. My aunt/uncle, their kids couldn’t make it, the other aunt (uncle couldn’t make it), a cousin and her husband (at the time fiance), my husband and me, my parents and the bride and groom. From the groom’s side he only had his mom–though a couple college age cousins nearly came.
Most places down there have that kind of requirement of 1-3 days. Only St Thomas allows you to fill out the paperwork same day which is why my sister got married there. However in your case it’s not like you were going to fly down for a day anyway. That would be your honeymoon. You’d go let’s say Wed-Wed. Get married on Sat after 3 days and the other 4 days would be honeymoon. My sister was married on Wed since that was the day we were in St Thomas.
At a place like Grande St Lucian it wouldn’t matter that other members of your family were there on your honeymoon. With my sister they loved it. When they came up to have breakfast and lunch, there was nearly always someone they knew to eat with. We all ate dinner together every night. Then we all did our own thing afterwards. It’s not like people were knocking on the newlyweds room. There is plenty to do there. You can enjoy the wonderful area. Kayak, windsurf, parasail, sit on the beach drinking a mai tai. Just one day you’ll get all dressed up and get married.
For my sisters cruise, each person paid depending on their room but mine was a balcony and we paid 600 or 700 each. The interior rooms were cheaper. The cruise isn’t all inclusive but all the food was included. Then whatever you wanted to do on the islands and however much alcohol you drank you paid for. For my husband and I, attending my sister’s wedding cost about $3000.
The wedding itself was super cheap. The minister was $200. We used my i-pod filled with Carnival Steel Drum mixes (the steel drum from Carnival cruiselines have about 14 cds and we just went on amazon and bought the individual songs we wanted). The bouquet was about $80. Then the photographer was about $300 which included a cd and a release to print any pictures you want on your own. I think the beach fee was $75 and the license fee was $55. So grand total of about $900.
http://www.islandweddingservices.com/locations.htm
Since the Grande St Lucian is all inclusive it would be great for the bride and groom to pay part of it. If you stay at Conceige level, your wedding would be free so I would think the Bride and Groom might pay perhaps $500 per couple you want to be there. If you paid for your parents, his parents, your grandparents…that’s really just a few thousand. Think of a number you are comfortable with.
Remember you’d also be getting a group discount so make sure when everyone books they all book through the same Sandals group vacation planner. We ended up getting something like $80 per person back just for the few people we had (only like 7 rooms).
Oh her wedding date was April 22 2009. The cruise was Apr 18-25. And no it isn’t wrong to skip out on big fancy weddings. Weddings are personal events. I married a man who has 18 aunts and uncles. His dad is 1 of 10. So the idea of a small wedding just wasn’t possible. My sister and her husband are beach type people. Just walking on the sand and getting married under a palm tree. No fuss no mess and in fact my mom and I did all the planning.
Blunt 5:00 pm on December 31, 2009 |
My friend got married at Sandals in the Bahamas. They had a terrific vacation/wedding/honeymoon with everything included. They had attendant to help her out with her dress, they had beauty salon, florist, photographer EVERYTHING included. She loved her wedding although it was only the 2 of them.
I got married on a beach location in the USA. Everyone had to travel to our resort. We had 38 people altogether, we invited only immediate family and the closest of friends. We had a 4 day wedding extravaganza dining on the most exquisite dishes and with top shelf liquor. I would never regret our decision as everyone had fun and we had the people that we really cared about with us. We paid for it ourselves, but our in-laws very generously contributed a third of our wedding expenses as our wedding gift. We got married August 2008.
My friend (the one getting married in Nassau) was in the wedding and she said that her only regret is not to have her friends and family there. Everyone commented how much fun our wedding was and that’s how wedding should be.
Good luck
Jen 5:00 pm on December 31, 2009 |
A friend of mine did a destination wedding on a cruise. Everybody who wanted to come paid, it’s a great way to sort of get rid of the higher numbers…you can invite a hundred but only the closer family members and your close friends will attend.
We paid for ourselves, but the couple gave us all a complimentary bottle of wine and they took us on a tour of Aruba after their wedding, and t hen went to the beach to swim, later they organized a dinner at a restaurant on the cruise ship and we all ate together. It was nice.
I’m fiance and I are both very shy, and we wanted a smaller wedding too. We’re using my parents cottage, so by default we can’t have a hundred people there so people can’t be insulted. I invited just immediate family, aunts and uncles and my closer friends. It’s next July and I think it will be great. It’s very cost effective and I don’t hav ethe pressure of a huge wedding which I never dreamt of.
Heba A 5:00 pm on December 31, 2009 |
Dear,
just make hold your wedding at home. make it simple. feel happy. you will shine anyway
Mrs. Fig 5:00 pm on December 31, 2009 |
It sounds to me like you want a destination wedding. It is not "wrong" any way you decide to get married. My wedding was a little over 20k, and It was large. 150 guests attended. I wouldnt take a second of it back, i had a great time and it was a beautiful day. That is me, though. I wanted to share my big day with all of my freinds and family. You need to decide how important it is for your grandfateher to be there, and if you decide you have to have him there you just need to ask him if he thinks he could make the trip.
I’d think that since you are having a destination wedding you could still have a shower with all your friends and family since its obvious they wont all be able to go. You can also invite everyone you want to attend the wedding, and leave it up to them if they can afford it or not. I don’t think you would be expected to pay for everyone’s travel arrangements, but it would be a good idea to have all of the plans priced and mapped out in the invitation………… when people are invited to an out of state wedding they pay thier own way, and if they can’t afford it they decline, right??
I would think it would be easiest to get married the same place you are going to spend your honeymoon, talk to travel agents and wedding planners to see what your options are.
good luck
melouofs 5:00 pm on December 31, 2009 |
We had a destination wedding in St Thomas–it’s the US, so there are NO waiting periods, which is very nice. If you worry about missing out on the big ta-da wedding, you have to think really hard, but knowing what I now know about our wedding, I wouldn’t trade what we did for anything in the world. It was wonderful.
Try talking to your grandfather and ask about whether he’d be up for traveling. My mother has COPD, and travels all over the place, but his situation might be more severe than my mother’s, of course.
kill_yr_television 5:00 pm on December 31, 2009 |
There is no ‘rule’ that only wedding guests may be invited to the shower. They are seperate events and have seperate guest lists, no matter how much The Wedding Industry insists otherwise. Listen to Miss Manners, not to people who want you to buy more and more wedding related goods and services. Not that long ago is was considered very rude to ask a wedding guest for an additional gift unless that guest had REQUESTED to be included in a shower. Showers were generally given by some group of friends who did NOT expect to attend the wedding, such as the bride’s softball team. Neither you nor your relatives (or soon to be relatives) should be at all involved in planning or giving a shower for you. It is greedy, and the fact that many do this does not make it less greedy.
If there are relatives who will disappointed by your not having a big wedding, then you might reconsider. In some families, elder relatives only see each other when there is a family wedding or a funeral, and some of these elders might feel badly at not having this opportunity to see a brother or cousin for what could be the last time.
Avis B 5:00 pm on December 31, 2009 |
The average amount of people who attend a destination wedding is 30 - 35 people. And those people are usually parents . . brothers . . sisters . . grandparents . . and a few close friends. The Bride and Groom usually have a Maid of Honor and a Best Man (and that’s it). YOU, the Bride and Groom, are not obligated to pay anyones airfare or lodging but if you can, that’s very kind and generous of you.
YOU, the Bride and Groom, should not invite anyone to a shower. Neither the Bride nor the Groom nor the parents nor the brothers or the sisters should host (organize, plan, and pay for) a shower. It is a form of solicitation and inappropriate. Your Aunt can host a shower, your best friend can host a shower or your cousin can host a shower but YOU should not. It really does not make any difference if friends and family members are invited to a bridal shower and not to the destination wedding. I know of one Bride who had three showers and the Groom had one shower and ninety percent of those invited guests were not invited to the wedding. When you work with a large group of people (such as a high school teacher and a hospital administrator), it is impossible to invite all of those people to your wedding.
If you wish to your share your WEDDING DAY excitement then host A PARTY or A CELEBRATION when you return. You cannot have A RECEPTION when you return, A RECEPTION can only be held on your wedding day. Yes, you can wear your wedding gown and tuxedo. Yes, you can have a nice dinner and order a three-tiered wedding cake. And yes, you can hire a disc jockey or band but you must use the phrase "In celebration of our recent wedding" and not RECEPTION.
Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
Bride2Be 5:00 pm on December 31, 2009 |
My fiance and I knew right from the start that we wanted to have a destination wedding. You, on the other hand, seem to be at a crossroads where you are just starting to open your eyes to a totally new (and totally different) option.
Because the idea of a destination wedding is fairly new to you, I recommend going to your local bookstore and looking for books specifically on destination weddings. Regardless of what book you choose, the first chapter will likely be titled, "Is A Destination Wedding Right For Us?" or something similar.
To save money, I went on Half.com and purchased several helpful books: (1) Destination Bride (pretty helpful); (2) The Knot Guide to Destination Weddings (love it); (3) The Everything Destination Wedding Book (not so great as compared to others); and (4) Destination Weddings for Dummies (it’s actually pretty good!). The total cost of all four books with shipping was less than $20, and it was easier than sitting at the bookstore for hours and not being able to mark up any of the pages!
These books will give you very detailed information on everything, including who to invite. We are inviting our most immediate family, so no more than 15 guests total. We would LOVE to pay for their entire trip, but that would double our budget. At the very least, we are planning to pay for their flight (FYI: Approx. $800+ from LAX to St. Lucia).
If you prefer to do your research online, a good jumping off point is http://www.destinationweddings.com. They give you a great overview of many popular destinations. We eventually chose not to work with their wedding coordinators, but their website is good and their marketing manager (Quentin Carmichael III) is very helpful.
Jamaica is one of the most popular wedding destinations, particularly because of: (1) cost; (2) accessibility; and (3) all-inclusiveness. So I’m sure you’ll find tons of people who will tell you that you can’t go wrong with Jamaica!
I was the one who suggested St. Lucia in your previous honeymoon question; I recommended Jade Mountain and Anse Chastanet. So of course my opinion is that St. Lucia is beautiful!! Quentin from destinationweddings.com also recommended Windjammer Landing Resort. As a general matter, however, St. Lucia is more expensive than, let’s say, Jamaica or the Bahamas (I think you mentioned you were on a limited budget?).
Either way, if you do in fact decide to do a destination wedding, I strongly recommend working with a wedding coordinator, or at least a travel agent that specializes in destination weddings. Most resorts have an on-site coordinator, but it’s good to work with someone here in the U.S. as well.
Good luck!!
Fun N Sun 5:00 pm on December 31, 2009 |
I am getting married in St. Thomas on December 9, 2009 (3 weeks away) and we are going via cruise ship. RCCL Freedom of the Seas. I found a private coordinator on the island itself as I am not going through the cruise line. I paid $995.00 for the package and paid $1000.00 for the photos which include a CD and rights to the pictures and it was high because i chose a highly experienced photographer. most photographers are cheaper but pics are very important to me. I am having my florist at home use natural touch flowers so i may bring them back home after the ceremony (since you cannot take live flowers back into the US). There is no waiting period and we will be married the day our ship stops at port. I invited everyone that I normally would have to a wedding and let them decide whether or not they can afford to go. We have having 18 people join us on the cruise. I knew many people could not afford to go (we sent save the dated 2 years ago to give plenty of time to save)
My friend threw me a shower in September and invited everyone I invited to wedding. lots of people showed up. (more than i was expecting).
my parents are throwing me a small reception back home for everyone who could not attend the wedding.